Lovely Wife Update #2: A Week on the Road

We have just arrived in Luang Namtha (northern Laos) after 64km morning ride through the mist from Vieng Phou Kha and are now sitting in our guesthouse restaurant waiting for espressos and banana pancakes.

Recap on the past week of riding:

Chiang Mai to Chiang Dao (78km)

Flat with one easy hill. Got a little lost trying to take back roads out of Chiang Mai. The back roads were quiet and narrow, while the main road was busy but with a wide shoulder. Had a great coffee stop along the way. It was lovely and cool in the morning but we started noticing the heat by 10am.  Rode through a number of bustling towns. Had lunch in Chiang Dao before heading out to find Rainbow Guest House. Our cabana overlooked rice paddies and limestone mogotes, similar to those we saw in Cuba and expect to see in Halong Bay. Spent the afternoon lazing around reading books, napping (on pink sheets beneath pink mosquito net) and practicing our Thai massage skills.

Chiang Dao to Doi Pha Hom Pok National Park, near Fang (91km)

Early start, chilly and misty. Easy to moderate hills. No shoulder but this was not an issue as the road was less busy.  Road through some beautiful bush and busy villages. Didn't make the detour to Phrao but took pics of us next to the sign. Coffee and internet break at a place that served civet coffee, forked out the 400 baht to try some, tasted delicious as far as our cold-dampened taste buds could tell. I chatted with a local that was originally from Oregon, he was at the coffee shop with his young son who was very cute. It was interesting, and a little sad, to hear his take on Thailand schools. Apparently all students pass regardless of grades and cheating is rife. He has been teaching here for a number of years and even the private schools are bad. After our coffee shop we continued to ride through town for a very long time as the houses and shops seemed to only line the the main road and just past them on either side crops were grown in large quantities.  After only another hour of riding we stopped for lunch on outskirts of Fang at a karaoke joint. Unfortunately (or fortunately) it was too early for karaoke. We stocked up on food at the Tesco across the road for a camping mission at the national park 10km out of town. The ride out there was spectacular, through little villages and green crop fields backed by mountains. The main draw card of the park is the hot pools, some of which are REALLY HOT and in which Thai visitors boil eggs. Others - which we made b line for as soon as we rented a pre-erected tent and some bedding - are bathable temperature. Hot pools were a little run down but no worse than some of the ones we have in NZ. It was great to have a soak and do some stretching, although it was segregated bathing and the women and children were fully clothed! We then had a picnic dinner by our tent, a little envious of the brazier the Thai family next to us were cooking their evening meal on! They did offer us some but we had already stuffed ourselves full of cheese sandwiches and fruit by that stage that so we had to politely decline.  

Fang to Tha Ton (33km), boat to Chiang Rai.  

Slept in to 7am and breakfasted with our feet in a hot pool. Quick ride through to Tha Ton where we booked a place on the 12.30pm boat to Chiang Rai. Bought some souvenirs from two hill tribe women and then went in search of a place to have brunch. 1.5 hours later and our meal and coffees still haven't arrived, Nick getting tetchy and about to walk out when the lady comes back on her scooter with freshly bought ingredients and whips up delicious eggy baguettes for us, just in time for us to get back to the dock to catch our boat.  Boat ride was very scenic and relaxing, glad we had head phones though as it was powered by a small but noisy outboard motor. Short ride from the Chiang Rai dock to our very chic guesthouse in the middle of the Sunday night market, which we prowled for tasty treats and beardwear once it got dark. We were done and ready for bed by 10pm but our bedroom was about 50m from the karaoke band's PA system - and all the locals were gleefully line-dancing - so we were at the mercy of the local entertainment.

Chiang Rai to Chiang Khong (113km), boat to Huay Xai (Laos)

Early start, on the road by 6.40am. Luckily Chiang Rai's dog population was rather docile and more interested in each other than they are with humans riding bikes. Nick had found a route for us that skirts around all the hills so we made good time. Had a coffee stop at one of the cross roads we passed through and were convinced to try sweetened condensed milk toasties. Delicious! Had one other break at a deserted temple. The last 20kms was a hot slog on a newly built road. Stopped for supplies in Chiang Khong and then headed straight for the border crossing which was a breeze. It consist of a Thai immigration office, a 5 minute boat trip and then a Laos immigration office/visa-on-arrival and no queues on either side. After checking into basic accommodation at a hotel called Sabaydee (the word used in Laos to greet someone), we headed out for a late lunch and a well-earned beer, then back to the room for a nap. Even though lunch was late we decided not to skip dinner, so we found a cute little restaurant with good food and hydrating fruit shakes.  Town is fairly quiet so didn't feel bad about being in bed by 10pm again.

Huay Xai to Vieng Phoukha (125km)

Early start, ate cereal and yogurt and drank a can of iced coffee in our room before hitting the rode for our biggest day yet, although at this point we were still thinking we will either stay in Ban Donchai or get a songtheaw (taxi) up the big hill. The ride through town was the most interesting morning start for us so far as the monks were out collecting offerings and praying for the people.  After we passed the monks we got caught up in the school kid traffic and ended up riding with the kids until they turned off into the school grounds. They were all very friendly and practicing their English greetings on us. We rode through villages more frequently than when we were in Thailand.  The villages are smaller, more rustic and there are lots for children who are super excited to see us, most wave and yell "bye bye" or "sabaydee" at us. Two hours into the ride and we were very hungry and hanging out for a coffee (we were very spoilt with espresso coffee every day in Thailand) so we picked a small rustic shop (their version of a NZ dairy) and tried our luck. They had zero English and we had zero Lao so we resorted to hand signals to make ourselves understood and managed to get some instant coffee and an omelette whipped up for us - delicious and the perfect fuel to tackle the first big hill of the day. By midday we had conquered two big hills and taken in the beautiful views that come with this mountainous terrain. We were happy with our progress but our legs were tired and ready for a rest so very happy to ride into Ban Donchai.  We stopped at the first place we came to and used hand signals to communicate that we were hungry and would like some lunch. They disappeared out back through  door beneath the skin of some spotted big cat and then came back with noddle soup which we devoured under the watchful eyes of a number of the village folk who have come to see (ie stare at) us. After eating we decided that we had a bit more energy in the tank and that we should tackle the huge hill that is between Ban Donchai and Vieng Phoukha, with the fallback option of hitching a lift if our legs gave out....We made it! It was tough as it was stonking hot and there was no shade. The views were spectacular, most of the truck drivers courteous and encouraging. Nick made it up to 75km/hr on the downhill! Vieng Phoukha was smaller than expected but we found a guest house with cabanas overlooking the river for less than $4/night. First order of business was to get clean; the shower was cold but we needed to cool off anyway. Second order of business was a celebratory beer, which we enjoyed on our deck in the last hour of light. We then decided to explore the village and find some dinner. In hindsight perhaps we should have stayed at our guest house as there weren't many restaurants and the one we picked, which did have a great view of the river, couldn't make most of what was on their menu as they were missing ingredients. We settled on soft boiled eggs, sticky rice and fried duck. We were starving so it was delicious   

Vieng Phoukha (0km)

Breakfast was ordered for 7am but arrived shortly before 8am. No problem as we are having a rest day today, our legs need it! Chatted with an Aussie and his Malaysian girlfriend/wife who are traveling on his motorbike up to the Chinese border. Also met German and Belgian couples.  A local turned up and invited us all to a local wedding so we decided to take a stroll through town to see if we could find it. On our way out we bumped into the Belgian guy, all their gear is strewn all over the place outside of their cabana, they have lost their camera with all their photos from the last two months of travelling - what a downer!  We wished them luck in finding it, made a mental note to back up our own photos, and headed off into town. 10 minutes later we've walked the whole town, can't find the wedding and have decided to head back and read books on our deck. It starts to rain so that is pretty much what we end up doing all day, except for a brief excursion by each of us to find food for lunch, although only one of us was successful and that was only because I resorted to buying two minute noddles. After last night's dinner adventures we decided to order food from our guesthouse, which arrived early - just before the thunder, lightning, wind and torrential rain, which was very exciting given the fact we were eating in a hut with no walls! 

  

Vieng Phou Kha to Luang Namtha (63km)

Ordered breakfast for 6am. It arrived at 6.40am, which was perfect. On the road by 7.15am.  It was overcast, cool and misty. Only one easy hill today :).  Rode through some beautiful scenery and bustling villages. Arrived in Luang Namtha before midday. First order of business: HOT showers and hair washing. Second order of business: espressos and lunch. 

Now we are catching up on emailing and plan to explore the town this evening when it is cooler.

Photos

PHOTOs - in random order

Chinatown, Thai style...

Cutesey steamed buns...

Bearded ones...

GONG!

Monsters!

Fishy tickles...

Pickled snakes...

Early morning ride to Fang...

 Master Thai chef...

Picnic breakfast at hot pools...

Mmmm banana lassi...

 Phrao?

 Playing tourist in Bangkok...

Playing tourist in Chiang Mai...

 Riding to Thaton to catch a boat...

 Let the river do the work...

 Sleeper train to Chiang Mai...

Camping Mae Fang national park...

View from our cabana in Chiang Dao...

Animals

The animals that our friends Tim and Janna saw on safari in Afrika:
hippos, elephants, hyenas, digidigis, oryxes, topis, cerval cats, lions, cheetahs, warthogs, leopards, giraffes, buffalo, wildebeests, hartebeests, baboons, monkeys, impalas, gazelles, ostriches, many birds, and even a couple black rhinos!


The animals that we have seen so far in Thailand:
cats, dogs, rats, bats, cockroaches, enormous water monitor lizards, tiny cute lizards, snakes, birds, butterflies, fish.


Of those things, I have killed only two butterflies by riding into them, and one small snake. Some tiny birds are for sale in woven cages at temples. Others live in trees near where people try to sleep, and make noises all the time. Dogs like to chase bicycles. Rats were at cooking school with us. Fish ate our toe-jam.

The Train! The Train!

Short Version:

Win some, win some more. Lose a few.

Long Version:

We're on a train, the snot-monster-formerly-known-as-Lovely-Wife and I, heading to Chiang Mai, gateway to Thailand's forested, mountainous north. Fukaru Kenjiju* (Hai!) has retired to her upper bunk to continue singlenosedly deforesting the planet, leaving ein soloPuppet to watch the huge variety of Bangkok neighbourhoods variously fly, meander, and grind by outside the window, depending on how fast we're going. Crazy shit everywhere, much of it neon-lit. Including the golf course.

We biked to the train, with all our touring crap loaded up for the first time. In fact, this was first ride with racks, and panniers, and way more gear than we'd had strapped directly onto the bikes as we explored Cuba. And, it turns out, somewhere between the basement in North Vancouver where rack/pannier butchery installation took place and the first pedal strokes down the slightly seedy Sukhumvit soi, some of the knobs on the panniers had moved a bit, leaving them somewhat not attached very well. We'd have picked that up during our pre-ride gear check, if we'd done one. As it was, we stopped somewhere near the snake farm for a quick adjustment, and then were back on our merry way to the train. With occasional stops to confirm with locals that we were still on the right track to actually get to the station, cos neither of us actually got around to doing more than a cursory map glance before we set out.

The locals were all really nice, and polite, and wanted to help us out... once they figured out what the heck we wanted. Pretty much every time we stopped the interaction went something like:

Puppet: “Sawadee krab”** [+ awkward one-handed attempted wai*** followed quickly by more-or-less successful attempt to catch hideously unbalanced over-laden bicycle trying to escape]

Local: [bemused face. Puppet interpretation: What on earth just happened? Was that farang talking to me? What language was it speaking? Why is it lying on top of that bicycle in the middle of the sidewalk?]

Puppet: “Hua Luamphong?****”

Local: [bemused face. Puppet interpretation: What the hell did it say? Seriously, does it think I speak Romanian, or Hebrew, or whatever it's speaking?]

Puppet: “Hua Luamphong. Train.” [train noises + movement]

Local: [bemused face. Puppet interpretation: Now it's doing a dance! And some kind of weird ethnic singing thing. Maybe this is that Tuvan throat-singing stuff***** I've heard about]

Puppet: “Hua Luamphong? Hua Luamphong?” [repeat several times]

Local: [bemused face followed by incredulous face. Puppet interpretation: Perhaps this is that new type of autism that all the Westerners seem to think they have nowdays, from all that organic food they started eating a while back... hey, hang on a sec, that almost sounded like... no, couldn't be... holy catfish testicles, it WAS!!! It's trying to say Hua Luamphong!!!! Haaaaaaa ha ha ha ha!!! What a tard! And omigod the noises, and the dance – it's TRYING TO BE A TRAIN!!! I gotta film this! [gets cellphone, starts filming]]

Eventually the 1-baht piece dropped, and we were pointed onwards in the direction we'd been heading. Navigation win! Communication win! Style points fail.

* = Hideous Snow Beast. It's a long story. Remind me to tell it to you some time.

** = “Hello” (said by male) in Thai

*** = Hands together in front of chest, fingertips point up, head ducks towards hands.

**** = Bangkok Rail Station

***** = One of those legendary cultural oddities that became way less cool once it became easily obtained. Check it out, for sure, but spend more time on Javanese gamelan music or Balinese kecak. Not Balinese gamelan though, that's a little bit frenzied for this time of night, don't you think?

Yaowarat!

Short Version:

Train morning, and a trip back in time, to some manipulation and some crazy foods

Long Version:

'Twas a noisy night; steel wheels aren't silent at the best of times, but when they're being pushed across track that isn't particularly uniform, the chatter gets pretty loud. Almost loud enough to drown out the sound of someone whose inner ear had failed to cope with sleeping in a bouncing, swaying berth, awakening them – and me – in the wee small hours for repeated and violent retching (them, not me). It is, of course, entirely possible that they had a viral, bacterial, or amoebic infection – all of which have been known to occur here in SE Asia, with varying degrees of catastrophic output – but I'm assuming an inner ear issue, on the grounds that we inhaled copious amounts of street-food in Bangkok's Chinatown, and (so far) suffered no ill effects. But that's a tale that probably needs to be told in more detail...

~~~~~~~~ wavy lines indicate travelling backwards through time ~~~~~~~~

There are massage places EVERYWHERE in the Sukhumvit area of Bangkok, where we've been staying. Some of these are “massage” places, but many are legitimate, therapeutic, no Happy Ending, actual Thai massage places, and everything we've read says we really ought to be on the receiving end on a pretty much daily basis. Bank balance says that frequency might be slightly over the top, but there was no way we weren't going to go at least once. So Lovely Wife got on the phone and made a booking for us at one of the big, renowned, multiple-branch massage enterprises, and we set off with very little time to spare, first in a tuk-tuk and then on foot, to what turned out to be a large and well-appointed building with a significant amount of well-heeled foot traffic (sorry) passing in and out of its portals. Inside was air-conditioned and stylish, and we drank fancy-packaged chilled water in the fancy-designer-designed waiting area until the woman with the microphone called out what Lovely Wife managed to interpret as a mangled version of our names, and we set off in the wake of two short, round, middle-aged Thai women named – according to their badges – Dokmai and Yupa.

Dokmai was older, and rounder, while Yupa laughed more, although that may have been at least partly because Dokmai – I assume – won whatever game of chance they played to determine who massaged whom, and so Yupa was on Puppet-manipulation duty.

The massage was quite different to the sports-type massages we're used to getting, with more use of masseuse bodyparts for leverage, more standing-on the recipient, and more clothes worn. No oily flesh-rubbing here; we were given special “I'm getting a massage” outfits to wear; mine in shades of blue, Lovely Wife's red and pink.

Yupa used mainly elbows. Not sure about Dokmai.

Yupa found many things amusing, particularly bright-colored kids-drawing tattoos and complaininess about what she obviously considered minimal pressure.

Yupa left me feeling great, and unable to walk properly, temporarily. Yupa found that amusing too. So did Dokmai. And Lovely Wife, and all of the other HealthLand staff.

So it's 5pm, and we're done, and on our way to the nearby Metro (subway) station. We never quite got around to eating lunch, so we're ravenous, and ignoring the smells emanating from the cluster of food carts around the subway entrance is not an option.

It's possible that the vendors have never before seen spicy-pork-on-a-stick disappear into a pair of gullets quite so quickly.

The subway spat us out at Hua Lamphuang, near the main railway station, which meant we had an opportunity to check the place out in advance of our upcoming trip while unencumbered by big bags and bikes, and then we were off, onwards, into Yaowarat, Bangkok's Chinatown.

Or we would be, if we'd paid attention to how to get there.

Found our way eventually, and commenced stuffing all manner of foods more-or-less delicious, and weird, and wonderful, into our faces while strolling through the very neon-enabled and very crowded streets and alleys. Favorites included the eggy pastry thing with condensed milk and some of the deep-fried unidentifiables from the toothless old lady. Didn't eat bird's-nest soup, or offal.

Did buy durian, the legendary love-it-or-loathe it fruit, banned from many air-conditioned buildings in Asia because of its pervasive and lingering smell and banned, as it turns out, from the Bangkok subway. Even a plastic-wrapped package is not allowed on the train. So we ate it outside the subway station, and it was... nothing special. Don't see what the fuss is about, to be honest.

And then we went home.

~~~~~~~~ wavy lines indicate travelling forward in time, but only as far as the present*~~~~~~~~

Some time during the night the mucus-beast had departed, leaving behind one slightly bedraggled (but still lovely) Lovely Wife, and so many soiled tissues that it looked like we'd had a tour bus full of post-sales-conference Chinese businessmen and their temporary companions visit us in the night-time for a Patpong-style mega-bukkakke** party. Someone had snuck in to our niche during the small hours and plugged in a hot liquid device but left no cups, so we sat and watched the sun rise over forested hills and limestone mountains sans caffeine until one of the friendly railway staff brought through the breakfast we'd ordered last night... chocolate cookies, some sliced apple, and... cups!

Before you go jumping to any conclusions, let me note a few points:

• This breakfast option was not something that I chose when Lovely Wife was not watching, this was a mutual decision
• It looked like the best option from a limited selection
• We didn't entirely realise that the chocolate cookies were actually cookies - biscuits for folks in the south - like you'd get in a packet from the supermarket.
• And not gourmet ones either.
• OK, scratch that, maybe it was just me that didn't understand; Lovely Wife says that “of course they were going to be like that, what else did you expect? The menu said cookies, these are cookies. You're a dufus.”
• Anyway, all we really wanted was the coffee, despite having a fair idea that it was going to be shitty.

Oh, and we have almost no Thai moneys left, pending a visit to an ATM - or, failing that, a Currency Exchange - which we will do later today in Chiang Mai, which we should see in about 2 hours.

* = , which is the past for you, because the only one reading this in the present is me, and you're not me. Probably. Depends on what you believe about how the world works, really. Some people would say that we're all one, which would make you me as well as you. Others would have you believe that one of us is real, and sleeping, and that everyone else is a dream construct, playing out their role in the slumber-narrative for as long as the napping continues but doomed to cease once waking happens. And then there are the ones that have an imaginary friend with supernatural powers... All a complete bunch of arse? Why yes, yes it is. 

** = If you don't already know, please don't look this up. You will be offended.

Words From the Silent One

Nene emailed her Ma the other day:

Still in In Bangkok. Nick and I got the Japanese Encephalitis one shot program for $50 each ($700 in NZ, not available yet in Canada) and dentist check up, clean and one filling for $160  - nice.  Really happy with the level of professionalism and the cheap price!

Getting from the airport to the hotel was an ordeal even though public transport was easy.  It reminded me of why it is important to pack light, next time we will get a taxi unless we forget again how painfully it is to haul huge heavy bags up and down stairs and cram them in a taxi for the last kilometer when it all gets too much and can't wait another moment for a cool shower.

We did some sight seeing in old Bangkok yesterday but have decided that temples with crowds of tour groups are not for us, there is a lot more Chinese tourist here than there was last time I came through. Also been to a snake breeding place where they do anti-venom research and saw a demonstration on how they collect the venom.  Within their complex they had a museum which included a large impressive collection of snakes in jar.  No less impressive but much more disturbing was the birth defect babies in jars at the forensic museum, we made a quick exit but there were a number of people poring over the information in the museum, they must have had stronger stomachs than us!

I woke up with a killer sore throat, no doubt from all the public transport we have been taking, so spent this morning making a home made saline sinus wash bottle after hearing about the process from Janna.  It seemed to work a treat once I got the hang of having salt water circulating up one nostril and out the other, but there were a few false starts and some stinging snorting of quadruple strength solution - only afterwards did I remember Janna warning me about this.

Not too much on the cards today.  We have just finished assembling our bikes and packing our panniers.  Next we are going to explore another area for Bangkok city on our way over to recommended Thai massage place, not so keen on getting one close to our hotel as its is on the edge of a red light district.

Off to Chiang Mai tomorrow evening

Puppet Summary:

- we got shots, really cheap

- we went to the dentist. Nene had to get a filling, none for me. [insert gloating here]. Again, really cheap.

- airport to hotel was a pain in the arse

- tourist stuff is shit. Tourists are arse

- snake farm was cool. Actual scientific purpose made it cooler

- forensic museum was a bit much. Murder victim and perp corpses and corpseparts, murder implements, accident victim pieces, deformed babies... it was really sad and upsetting. I wanted to leave but Nene the ghoul wanted to explore more.

- Nene has an abundance of mucus, and is self-medicating by trial-and-error nasal irrigation. Much amusing? Oui.

- bikes assembled and ready to roll

- massage o'clock

- off to Chiang Mai tomorrow evening

Why Do I Have Dong?

Short Version:
Snakey action. Spikes. Mall. Train.

Long Version:
Turning out my pockets before setting out this morning I found the spending money that Lovely Wife had thrown at me as she disappeared off in the tax with all our stuff yesterday. We'd figured that, as we didn't actually know how far it was to the hotel - even assuming I went straight there, which was considered somewhat unlikely - it was probably a good idea for me to have some moneys with which to purchase a tuk-tuk ride, or some delicious foods or a drink, or some lady-boy action.

Luckily, though, I made my way directly and without issue to the hotel. No drinks. No lady-boys. No lady-girls either. Didn't even stop for a massage, soapy with happy ending or otherwise.

And I say "luckily" because when I rediscovered the banknote from my pocket this morning, it turned out to be 100,000 dong. Not baht. Dong. That'd be Vietnamese currency then. Not Thai.

Lovely Wife's sneaky, underhanded way of stopping me getting wayward in a brothel? I don't think so. I think she hoped I WOULD go get some action, then be unable to pay for it, then get beaten up and ejected into a gutter running high with garbage and rotting vegetables and wees. Nasty Lovely Wife!

Anyways, we breakfasted at the hotel. It was... nothing special. Discovered that dried chillies go well with french toast and watermelon. Baked beans were better than the ones in NAmerika.

And then out, to get a jab! Japanese Encephalitis is a mosquito-borne virus that kills something like 30% of the people who contract it, and leaves most of the rest with crippling neurological damage and behavioral issues. [joke about existing behavioral issues goes here] We didn't have enough time to get vaccinated in Canadialand - the Ixiaro vaccine is two shots delivered 28 days apart - but were put on the trail of a single-shot JE vaccine, available in NZ for NZD$700. A few emails later and we were on our way to the Bangkok Nursing Home Hospital, on foot, via the Thailand Tobacco Monopoly compound and Lumphini Park, which was full of schoolgirls and giant swimming lizards*. At BNH we were greeted cordially, refreshed with bottled water, registered as patients, shot up with the Chengdu JE vaccine, charged the equivalent of NZD$100 for both of us, and then set free into the now rather warm day clutching another free bottle of water. It took about 30 minutes total, and would have been even less had we not managed to get ourselves trapped in an elevator with some wheelchair folks and a rude woman. We now have 5-10 years protection from JE, but figure we may as well go back in a couple of months, just before we leave, for the booster that covers us for life. We're also figuring to visit the dentist while here - NZD$2600 savings on the JE vaccine (and it'll be similar for our final rabies jab) is small beans compared to the dentistry cost comparison.

First, though, there was snake-milking to be taken care of. And no, I'm not back to talking about lady-boys. We made our way to the HQ of the Thai Red Cross, which includes within its halls the Queen Saovabha Memorial Institute - the world's leading snake anti-venom research and production facility. There we saw some snakes. Most of them - including all of the ENORMOUS ones - were sleepy, but a few were zipping about inside their enclosures, and the ones we watched being milked for their venom were definitely tetchy about the whole thing. Really they should be pleased they're being milked using the new, less snake-wear method. Ungrateful buggers. The venom harvested is injected into horses, which produce antibodies, which are in turn harvested and bottled for use on bitten humans. Having seen some photographs of what happens to bitten humans, I'm OK with that process, at least until we make it back to snake-free NZ, at which point I'm sure I'll find this use of animals for human gain objectionable.

All snaked up, we went to a mall. It was very large, and very full of people. We stayed an unimaginably long time, which probably wasn't very long at all, and then took a series of trains home again. All of the trains were full enough that I was pleased to be the tallest one, as it made me the one with the armpits, not one of the ones with the faces in the armpits.







* = Direct correlation? I think so! Certainly if I was a giant swimming lizard, I'd be hanging out in places where there were lots of schoolgirls.

Bangkok Again... and this time, it's not underwater!

Short version:
We're off again

Long version:
Cathay Pacific, contrary to everything we'd been told, left on time and had us first in Hong Kong and then Bangkok ahead of schedule. We watched animated movies, were repeatedly kicked in the back by small children, ate foods that ranged from delicious to less-so, and generally had a completely hassle-free trip.

Played "Spot the Pervert" at Bangkok Immigration. Actually, spent so long in line, waiting to irritate the guards*, that we ended up going to Stage II: "Spot the Ones Who Are Into REALLY Kinky Stuff."

From BKK airport we hit the airport link train, then changed to the normal metro, then slid the bike bags (consolidated so all our stuff was in them... so they weighed around 35kg each!) down the stairs to the road, where we hailed a taxi into which we managed to cram both bags + Janine. Just.

So I walked.

Past the delicious insect stall, past more farang** than I'd expected to see, past my first lady-boy*** and the Cialis-seller and the sunglass-cleaner***. And then just when I thought I was lost I found the street, and then the hotel, arriving just as the taxi was pulling up; they'd got lost on the way.

Time for a nap, then we're out and about to see what can be seen in this nutbar megalopolis. I gather there's quite a lot.

* = Someone who should remain nameless but really was Janine tore the departure half off each of our Immigration cards before filling them out, then filled them in with opposite details to the arrival halves. Confused? So was Thai Immigration.

** = Foreigner. I'm too lazy to keep italicizing it

*** = The first one I spotted, that is. Although I suspect there's a better-than-even chance that not all of the hot women I saw on the way were actually women.

**** = Methodology: pour dishwashing liquid onto the lenses from a great height, then scrub with thumbs and rinse with water. Unintended comical side-effect: hideously slippery sidewalk carnage.