Sick

Short Version:
My wife poisoned me.

Long Version:
The road from Black Butte to Oakridge passes the McKenzie River, and it was a big call not to stop so each of us could ride part of the trail while the other drove the van to a meeting point. In the end, we just drove on by, then hooked left and up into the hills past the Cougar Dam* and Terwilliger Hot Springs**, and through to Oakridge, which was kind of a weird place, but with some neat features*** and a friendly local bike shop guy (Hi Derek @ Willamette Mountain Mercantile), who not only hand-drew me a map to and of the best of the local rides, but also pointed us at the best of the local "dirtbag camping" spots, which was pretty bloody good, with an eagle fly-by and our first campfire. The only drawback didn`t become apparent immediately; turns out we were camped quite close to the point on the road where the logging trucks did their unmuffled engine braking. At 6am. I was mostly asleep initially, then thought it was some enormous tetchy carnivore expressing a combination of hunger and/or ire before it started eating its way through tent wall and then us. I was trying to figure out from which direction it was approaching so that I could hide behind Janine, but the noise was so immense and so close it was impossible to tell. Then it stopped, so we went back to sleep. Repeat x 4.

I`d been feeling slightly odd since the previous evening, but it wasn`t until we`d had breakfast, and coffee, and prepped for the ride, and secured the van that I figured out that I was actually kind of really not very well, and that riding was not necessarily a good idea. Or possible. So we desecured the van, and changed back into fashionable**** casualwear, and hit the road with Janine at the wheel for the haul through to the campground we`d had recommended as a good base for those riding the newly-accredited IMBA***** epic ride along the North Umpqua River Trail.

By the time we arrived at Toketee Lake, Janine had racked up a bunch of miles on highways, byways, and the Interstate, and had done so with only one near-miss. And that was my fault. Sorry, guy in the red pickup who was in the lane I said was empty! We`d failed to find internet access or much in the way of delicious foods, but given how far I`d descended into the madness of food-poisoning, I wasn`t too concerned. My usefulness at camp setup was even more limited than normal, and the sleeping started pretty much as soon as the tent was up. Janine says I had a raging temperature, but I remember being cold despite the multiple layers of clothing, blankets and sleeping bag. I`m still not sure what exactly I said or did (or failed to say or do) that finally convinced her to poison me, but it was obviously only a warning because some time in the middle of the night the fever broke, and in the morning I declared myself cured, although feeble and still disinterested in food. Which is, of course, a perfect setup for a day on the bike!









* = The tallest rock dam in Oregon, apparently, with an air intake that sucked so hard it created small waterspouts. Also home to a grumpy-faced matte black lizard with spiky scales and a short tail which looked very much like it was military spec.

** = Named after Sideshow Bob.

*** = Really just the red covered bridge

**** = May not have been fashionable

***** = International Mountain-Biking Association